Only In Citrus County, Florida

Yep, I’ve done some pretty crazy things in my life, but I think this one comes pretty close to topping the cake.  You see, whenever I see a hitchhiker, no matter how sketchy, no matter how nasty looking or scary looking, I ALWAYS pick them up.  Always.  The only exceptions are when I am with other people in the car or if the hitchhiker is a woman (that’s a whole other story!).  One of the main reasons I always carry a gun is because of picking up hitchhikers and the such – like I’ve said a couple of times on this worthless blog, I always find myself in the weirdest situations.

This was no different.

You see, I was cruising down a back road in Citrus County at about 10:30 PM tonight, and I came to a stop sign.   There were a couple of cars in front of me, so I went through the stop sign after they did.  I saw a hitchhiker on the side of the road, and he put his thumb out to me. (Sometimes, hitchhikers won’t put their thumb out to a motorcycle…)  Well, he put his arm out pretty enthusiastically, and also yelled something or other about being picked up.  So, the decision was made – I was going to turn around and load him on the back of the bike for an adventure.

When I turned around, I stopped by him, and immediately noticed something weird. The dude only had one arm! “OK, Buster, this is a terrible idea!  Remember Shaniqua and the Gas Station Girl, and get out of here while YOU still have two arms!”  Call me Joe, I couldn’t help myself and felt bad for him. (My craving for constant adventure didn’t help, either).

So, against my better judgment, I helped him onto the back of the bike. He was so terribly excited (and drunk!) that it was ridiculous.  He grabbed hold of my backpack, and I tightened up the straps so that he could get his one arm all the way behind the backpack.  We started off in first gear, and he was stoked.

We got up to about 35 (speed limit was 35), and he kept yelling, “Faster, faster!  YEEEEEEEHAW!  GIDDY UP!” OK, having a dude on the back of your motorcycle is one thing.  Having him hold you and yell “Giddy Up” is just… wrong.  Pure wrong.

Despite my fears of this one armed guy falling off the back of my bike and dying (then me getting arrested for involuntary manslaughter), I give in to his wishes and went 70+ down this road. He had a blast.

I brought him to where he needed to go, and he got down from the bike and couldn’t stop thanking me.  I couldn’t help but think that no one would believe me about this story, so I took the “liberty” of recording as much of the parting conversation as I could.  As soon as I clean up the recording a bit, I’ll upload it here.

Wow, man, only in Citrus.

This is what came up when I searched for "One Armed Hitchhiker" on Google Images.